was this all really necessary?
11:50 PM | 11-11-03
Sometimes sh*t happens that I really have to ask myself and question: Was it all worth it? Was it all necessary? Things get me down....and one of these days I am not going to have the strength to pull myself out. One of these days I am going to be tired of fighting, and just blowing it all off. It seems like people who mean to do harm, come for the weak, or the ones they know who wont take the beating. Alot of times, I feel like nothing can hurt me, nothing can take an effect on me, but I know one of these days, it will. I will take a brutal beating. I don*t understand...i just don*t. I don*t understand how i can be so strong about some things, and then watch bambi for the thirty-th time and bawl my freakin eyes out after bambi*s mum gets shot. WTF.
Sorority life is getting to the point where I am slowly falling away, not because I want to, but because I feel like it is takin on different roles that I just dont agree with and that are getting to be untrue. I am true to myself, and somrtimes i feel that I put myself in bad situations. Liek I know the ending, i know its comming...and for some reason I dont let myself face it, I know the consequences, but i still have this faith, faith that it will somehow change or not get to me. But,.....it does...it always does. Why do we set ourselves up for disappointment?? I may never know the answer.
Today was good...i went to my fun lil classes, and did all my fun lil things, hung out w/ BAD liek all day...and then went to see the matrix with BAD and talked pretty much throughout the whole thing becuase I had no freakin clue what was going on. I guess you really do need to see the first two to have some point in direction about the movie. Haha...funny. Graphics were cool though. Guess that*s all I have to say about that. Toda was lovely though...another nice fall day...sweet. Okay I am going to bed. I have a test tomorrow and all that....formal is comming up soon. *grins*