12:40 PM | 12-11-18
I often think about my past Christmas’s during this time. This year, I have found a lot let Christmas spirit then I can ever remember. It just doesn’t seem like Christmas. Im not excited, I haven’t been listening to Christmas music starting November 1st, its just not there. I remember when I was younger, the times when everyone was “taking care of me” meant they made my Christmas special. Now that I am older there is no one taking care of me, I am responsible for myself. Its just sad. I remember how my dad made every Christmas so special, so very special. He would make me my Shirley temples when th adults had cocktails, he always always had dozens of fun thoughtful presents and I would open my one gift from my grandmother on Christmas eve which would always be my Christmas dress that id wear to the Christmas program at church on Christmas eve. We had such tradition then, and while I have tradition now, its not the same. It hurts my heart to know I will never have that wonderful surprise. Like the time my dad told me to look in the closet and I found my adorned Columbia teal and purple jacket with the neon orange collar inside waiting for me. I wanted it so badly, and my parents acted like I couldnt even have it, but there it was, just for me. I remember having countless dinners, happy memories, blue glass ornaments, my grandmothers trimming the tree with lights and tinsel. I will forever hold those in my heart, and sadly knowing I will never have that again. That anticipation of love and holiday spirit are gone, and while I know one day I will have those moments with my family, they still will be different and forever changed. I hope I never forget, I hope I will always have these memories dear and close to my heart.