this will teach me
11:26 PM | 10-22-03
Oh, I really should have known by the time you drove me home
by the vagueness in your eyes
casual good -byes
by the chill in your embrace
the expression on your face
that told me you might have
some advice to give
on how to be
insensitive
How do you numb your skin
after the warmest touch?
How do you slow your blood
after the body rush?
How do you free your soul
after you've found a friend?
How do you teach your heart
its a crime to fall in love again?
Well!!!!!! This will teach me NEVER to write an entry in here before 8 O'clock!!!!!! SOB!!!!!!!!! Will someone please god damn tell me why the FUHK guys are so god damn insensitive?!!! Usually, I don*t write about this kinda stuff, but I am pissed all to hell so...i really dont give a FUHK!!! Okay....soooo we begin: I am one sick puppy, and have a head cold from hell. Just flem all over!! And today BAD came over because I needed to go get a Thank-you card for Michelle cuz she came up for my B-day. We held hands and da da da...in my own lil world, and then as we were driving to his house he wanted to stop and buy a can of chew....now the lowdown on this is, I dont want him doing it, its discusting, he keeps telling me he*s gonna quit...but yah, he*s a god damn hockey players, and he*s addicted. Sooo...here we are at the gas station, me trying to steal his money so he can*t buy it, him trying to explain to me how it*s "okay" yah right! I wasn*t having that....so....he went in...bought what I asked him not to, and then said something to me that pretty much slapped me across the face and was heard around the world. "Amy, if you were my girlfriend, I would prolly listen to you and quit, but you*re not, sooo...I*m not quiting"
OHMYGAWD....I sat there in his car shocked, and seriously contimplated the tuck&roll method out of his speeding jeep. I couldnt have wanted to escape that moment more. holy hell...I didnt talk to him for 20 minutes...in which time, his cell rang and mine did as well. Chi called so how I was doing, (P.S. BAD hasn*t asked once) in which case I had to break the silence and talk. Plus, I had to tell BAD to stop at the ATM soooo yah....i had to talk. I never felt so cheap and unluved in my life. Then, I started thinkin. BAD and I had this talk before...we talked about how we didnt want a relationship, we didnt want a boyfriend/girlfriend. So everything should be okay? NOOOOOOOO My gawd, how do people do it? How do you hang out with someone everyday and blah blah blah and not have any care in the world. Gawd, I hang out with my friends and I care about them. I care about people, I have compassion. i would never want them to feel like they were nothing, not important enough to be in my life. I just do not understand guys, i dont understand his feelings. Not at all, not one bit. It would be easier if I knew, how I could be insensitive, how to be cruel, how to have no emotions. This can*t continue, not liek this, becuase i know sooner or later I will fall, and no one will be there to catch me.
Oh, you probably won't remember me,
its probably ancient history.
I'm one of the chosen few
who went ahead and fell for you.
I'm out of vogue, I'm out of touch,
I fell too fast, I feel too much.
I thought that you might have
some advice to give, on how to be
insensitive.