10:16 p.m. | 2002-12-22
I startedmy new job yesterday. I work for this lady who raises and breeds wenheimers. They are so adorable. They*re a breed of dog for those who
are confused. Anyway, we*re waiting on a litter that is due on Christmas day so I am pretty excited. My momis comming up tomorrow to make Sam & I Christmas dinner and all that good stuff so I*m excited. She doesn*t know it yet (mom) but I*m getting a puppy. hehe..pick of the litter! hehehe....I*ve decided on this name *Denali Abercromnie Star* I think it*s pretty. Well anyway, this past week has been kinda weird. Me breing here instead of home. Home just has too many bad memories for me to go back. I think about Jason and everything else that goes along with it and it brings me to my knees. Christmas is hard enough being alone, I just couldn*t handle all that crap. Seeing Jason with someone else tears me apart, and being alone is one of my worst fears. I cannot beleive Christmas is almost here. I can*t wait till the puppies are born! They*re are going to be soooo beautiful. I KNOW they will keep me plenty busy. You know, this is an experience I would never have if I were in a relationship. I guess this is my chance, even though I can*t remember me ever not having a boyfriend, and yah, it*s harder than hell over the holidays, and pretty much everyday for that matter, but me having this time is time for me to do all the things Imay have never had a chance to do. So I guess I should be thankful this time has been given to me, no matter how much it hurts me inside. I miss having a boyfriend, I miss that feelings of contempt, and knowing someone out there loves me just as much as I love them. I don*t think I have ever really had that, somany times I*ve been fooled, but it always turns out that whatI thought it was, it never came to be. I wonder if anyone will be thinking of me...I know it*s selfish. This is why I*m going to church. Ugh....life is hard....well, I have a dermatologist appointment at the crack of dawn so I better get goin. Gotta clean the hosue before the rents come over.