it gets closer
7:17 p.m. | 2001-05-13

it*s Sunday....and I gotta two weeks from now I will be graduating. My gawd.....I cannot take it. When I htink about all i8ve been through this year and all the memories I can't imagine not making more at my high school. I still have yet to figure out what I am doing after skewl and maybe that is what is scaring me the most. So far i am just counting down the daze. i pretend to everyone I am excited...telling everyone i cannot wait to leave this hell hole we call skewl. But honestly, like i have said so many times before...i can wait. I am going to miss everyone and everything so much..and no one seems to understand. I know, everyone says they'll keep in touch...everyone says they'll laways be friends forever...but I know it won't be like that. it's like skewl was this thing that always kept us all together. i envy those who have time left to take advantage of. I just got done looking at all my pictures from this year and I got so weird. Just looking at everything and Copper Bowl and cheerleading, parties, people, so many things. I remember it all. I just can't let it all go. What am I going to do on May27th when I walk across that stage and get handed my diploma? It's like a slip of paper saying "goodbye" that word is going to kill me. It's like the hardest word ever. I just don't know what I want. And dammit this whole Jason hting is killin me. I was working on Saturday and talking to Angela and she was asking what I was going to do when Jason leaves for college. I was like....uhhhh. I guess we'll just break up. The more i thought about it the more my heart began to ache. i cannot beleive I put myself in this position knowing what was going to happen all along. I mean if i go to Ferris...fine...if i don't, well how can I honestly think that Jason is going to want a gurlfriend 8 hours away while he is in college. He won't...and I wouldn't do that to him. I know about long distant relationships more than anyone, but once again I have to do the right thing much like I did with Jared. i have to just let them go. AHHHHH....I hate letting go. I hate letting people go that I really care about. Screw skewl...I care about my friends, I care about the memories at my skewl, and i care about what I do. It sux i can't change the past and it sux i can;'t control the things I know are going to happen. 7 more just want to hold on....and I know this all seems stupid but I seriously can't see how people do this. I've waited forever to grow up...and just be done...and now all I want is to be younger....I want the people i have already lost to be here and i want things to be....well I dunno. confusing. really confusing.

Oh yah....went to four parties this weekend and 3 of them got busted. Tell me thats not sucky as hell. Well just thoguht I*d tell ya what I did. Well have fun I bedder go and call Ricky. XOXOXO

DiRty StuFf || All ClEaN!!


ConTacT Me
AIM: happylilbunny17

Time: 7:17 p.m.
Date: 2001-05-13
Eating:Nothing :/
Wearing:Clothes, I hope!
Hearing: Typing
Reading: Papers
Chatting w/: No one
Thinking: too much.
Wanting: so much.

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Meter Thanx for commin!! *MUAH*
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