whatever it takes
11:26 AM | 04-01-08
A strangled smile fell from your face
It kills me that I hurt you this way
The worst part is that I didn't even know
Now there's a million reasons for you to go
But if you can find a reason to stay
I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
Believe that I can change
I'll keep us together whatever it takes
She said "If we're gonna make this work
You gotta let me inside even though it hurts
Don't hide the broken parts that I need to see"
She said "Like it or not it's the way it's gotta be
You gotta love yourself if you can ever love me"
[Whatever It Takes lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]
I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
And give me a break
I'll keep us together, I know you deserve much better
But remember the time I told you the way that I felt
That I'd be lost without you and never find myself
Let's hold onto each other above everything else
Start over, start over
I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
and believe that I can change
I'll keep us together whatever it takes
-Lifehouse
In life, I have almost always gotten what i want, and that is because of my willingness of never to give up. If I don't want it, I wont try, and if i do, watch out. For the past years I have thrown myself in a relationship that has been a complete rollercoaster. And, I wouldnt have it any other way, however I think it has come to a crossroads where it may be over. I've been trying to come to a realization of why things happen. Like in my moving I managed to lose my grandmother's ring. The star safire that I have gotten so many compliments on and me repying it was my grandmother's. It was such a good feeling, and now it is gone. It breaks my heart, and I think about that ring every day now. It's something I can't get back, and it makes me so mad. I would do anything to get it back. And this time, no matter what I do, I can't get it. These kinds of things hurt, and I have come across them throughout my life and I still havnt been able to forget them.
It's like now, in this relationship that is fizzling out, is ending...and I have tried so hard to keep it together. My friends don't understand, at all. Why. It is because if I want something, if i beleive in something, and love something, there is nothing else I want. People always ask me, how can you be in a long distance relationship? For one, Ive been in them since I was 15. And, when you are in love, when I am in love with a person, there is no one else. There is no distractions. No one is better, no matter what. No one else will do, because I am in love. I could be in love forever, and will be someday. The problem is, i have yet to find someone else who is strong enough. I am. I do whatever it takes to make it work, I am willing to sacrifice whatever keeps us together. So, in the past five years I have, and while i was pulling, he was letting go. So, I start over. On my ipod, i always kept "landslide" on my playlist. Whne it first came out, I hated it. I couldnt stand the song. Today, I realized why. It's a very deep song. Very sincere and true. When you're young, you dont always want to hear or beleive the truth that something may not actually work out. Later, I learned that is life, it's what makes you appreciate the things that actually do work out. It's a song about letting go and growing up. And in the lyrics "I'm getting older too" I never used to say that to myself because I beleive I never would. The reality hits, and you wake up, and you're 25 years old, then 30...and so on. And I may or may not be alone. I refuse to give up, I refuse to give up on the fact that love may actually work out. However, its the steps of getting there that breaks my heart a little more. I lose a piece of me in everything. Sometimes we cant always see it, like my dear grandmother's ring, that will forever haunt me, sometimes it is a piece of exsistance in time that we have invested in someone who has choosen not to hold on. Being alone, living in New York, and going thru each day is hard, it isnt what everyone thinks, and I wish i knew someone who i could share my feelings with about it. There just isnt anyone. And, there hasnt been, for along time. No one who actually wanted to hear my voice just because, or talk about nothing for more than 5 minutes, and give themselves just as much as I give. Maybe some day. Maybe not. It is important to remember, that the most important and significant relationship a person has, is with themselves. And i beleive in myself, and I beleive that everything happens for a reason, win or lose...I'll be okay. Because I won't give up.