still sick
11:47 AM | 12-19-04
I wke up this morning from the dogs wanting to go outside...nothing new. So...now....everyone by now has gone home...brandon is happy in indiana...and I*m here with my two crazy dogs. I am so god damn sick....figures. My mom called my evil dyke bitch aunt last night....because i refuse to talk to her. My mom called me back to update me on dad*s health. My aunt told so many lies it was disgusting. The night my aunt and i last talked which was about a month ago she claimed i was hysterical (true) I called her every name in the book (False) she informed our church that my dad was ill (False) My dad has been trying to call me (False) many more...as my mom was telling me this i felt so drained. I canot fuhking beleive her....she is now totally in charge of everything and knows about every check my dad has ever wrote me...she told my mom about the thousdands of dollars....I know some of you won*t undertsand this...but those of you whom are daughters will. A father and daughter have a connection...and a understanding about money. Dads who love their daughters would give them their left arm if they had to support her. My dad has indeed given me ALOT...in the past....has paid for school and let me live a very compfortable lifestyle...and has promoted it. And now I am being punished and riticuled...My aunt doesnt know shit...and doesnt know what its like to be 22....in college....and blah blah...She thinks she knows everything...how everything works...and it*s obvious she knows very little. She is aiming to take everything away from me...and feels that I am an adult and can support myself on my own. The thing is I cant...I cannot do this...not yet...i rely on alot of people as they rely on me for things. That*s how i get by....thats how we all get by. My dad can no longer take care of himself and he*s 63....and everyone understands it just like that....but when i say i cant totally take care of myself my aunt doesnt understand. Sure I am working and i can pay for somethings...but its really hard to go from not having to pay for anything and worry about money....to having it all literally ripped away. I am so numb....i have an instant face lift from all the crying...i just dont know what i am going to do. How am i ever going to pay for everything...how am i going to pay my bank back...what if i lose my cell phone? my car? its such a mess..and to top it all off....i cant find anyone to work for me on new years eve...which means i may have to give my mom my car to go to my grandpa*s (where my family will be for xmas) and me stay here and work....without a car...and alone. But hey I*ll have the dogs...we*ll save money on keeping them in the kennel. *sigh* alone on christmas isnt even my worse fear or problem....im serious. well.....there it is.....im gonna lay down.....
P.S. to those who are faithful supporters of my diary, and of me...you will never know how much i appreciate you...event hough i do not know you, it still helps that someone out there is thinking about me...and praying for me. Thanx for the e*mails, notes, and support!!!!! I do appreciate it, and it helps to know that there are decent people out there.....
P.S. Just so you know, and i don*t know why i am even saying this...but...just in case...please don*t be offended by the statement (evil dyke bitch aunt) my reasoning is true...she is evil...(in her ways) she does have a dyke haircut....its apparent she is a bitch....and sadly she is my dad*s brothers second wife. Ewww....So I hope no one takes offence to that. Sorry....
later