IF
3:26 PM | 05-07-18
I made a commanding decision yesterday. Every year since my dad passed, May 6th, I have thumbed through a stack of old photos of him and family and I while listening to “bookends” by Simon and Garfunkel. Don’t ask….its just been a tradition. A very sad one. The days leading up to this “anniversary” if you will has always been a hard one, I am always dreading the feelings I will have and the sadness that I know will come along with the tears. So, I decided to make the day a happier one. I will always treasure my dad in my heart, I will never ever forget him, but I want to replace the memory of the loss of my dad with a new one. I want that date to mean something else, something positive, something I can be happy about. So, I have decided that it will be the anniversary when I threw out my birth control. I know Brandon and I will never be ready for a baby. I don’t think anyone really is. Is there a green light that turns on? A yellow one for caution? No, I think its just something couples need to decide for themselves, maybe not when, but IF. IF we had a baby, what would happen? When most of those answers are positive ones, it very well might be time. For us they are. I think we are going to remain the way we are until God decides when we are ready, and more so IF. I believe in that greater power, and I know God will never give us something we couldn’t handle. My trust and my love will get us through anything and that enough for me; along with the wonderful support we have surrounding us :) So there it is. A HUGE decision, and im excited for the future, what may be, baby or not.