1:38 PM | 03-14-18
I’m starting to get that feeling. That feeling I never ever thought I would have. Throughout my entire like I have been selfish, not to those I love or who I am close to, but if I wanted a 365$ DVF dress which I knew was overpriced but looked amazing on, I would buy it. I have always gone to fun places on spring break, traveled whenever there was a trip to be planned or partake in. Cruises, road trips, flights here and there, vegas weekends, concerts, etc were always in the norm. I didn’t think this life style would ever change, not in my 30’s , not even after buying a house, buying a car, or even getting married. However, I caught myself actually searching for “cute vintage nursery bedding” WHAT?....I even caught myself watching a youtube video “what to pack in your hospital bag” for more minutes than I ever dreamed. Could we be that family who has a child? What if it changed everything? What if it changed nothing? It could change us, and to me, we are perfect. We laugh, have fun, so what we want, when we want, and the only inconvenience we are sometimes faced with is, who will watch our furbabies when we are gone on one of our trips. It hard to believe that every woman has this window of opportunity and it is something that we are designed to do, IF we choose to. But, like Cinderella, there is a time limit when that window, unfortunately, closes. I’m in my mid-thirties, and while somedays I feel lie I’m a hundred years old, mostly when my back aches, or my knee hurts before a rain storm, I still feel young, like I could do anything. In life, I ever wanted to miss out, I never wanted to say I didn’t do this because of this or that. I want to do everything, and I don’t want to be someone who says, I couldn’t do this or that because of a child. Like I said previously, I’m selfish. So why am I having these feelings, why are those feelings creeping in. Is this something I could potentially want? Need? Is that a real thing? That window is only half open, it will be closing, and unfortunately, it can’t be reopened once its closed, and that’s what scares me. What if I miss out on that gift that we are so fortunate as women to have? What if I miss it all? What if I miss this opportunity. How does anyone really know when they are ready? For me, getting married was easy. We probably waited too long, as we were together for 15 years, but, marriage is so easy, and nothing has changed, but is it the same with an added human to the mix? One couldn’t possibly imagine. Or can I?