I love you daddy
9:03 PM | 05-07-09
Yesterday morning I got a call from my dad's hospice nurse saying the enevitable. "It was time to come home as soon as possible" For the last 5 years my Dad hasnt really been my Dad. The dad, I knew and loved. The dad that made me laugh to tears and sometimes to pee my pants, quite litterally, was gone 5 years ago. But yesterday was the day I actually lost my Dad and his physical body. The void in my heart is gone, and I feel that a piece of me has died and no one can ever replace it.
I am string for public, I hold my tears as best I can. Then, a picture of my dad in his earlier years, or an old song, an old story, will set me off and I break down. I know I am not handeling this right. I dont know how I will come to terms with him not on this earth. I just am lost right now. I miss my Dad so much, and I miss the times we wont have together. No one can ever replace him. I was so lucky to have him for as long as I did and I wish I could have had him for so many more years. I dont have any words...they will come. I will miss him..and as the nurse held the phone to his ear and I heard him breathing, there was so much I was thinking yet all i could say was "I love you daddy" "I love you so much" I dont know if I did enough in this life for him, I dont know if he was proud of me, or if he will look down on me from heaven, but I know I loved him dearly and I will miss him terribly. :( thats all for now.