4:53 PM | 09-12-07
I walked around Suday for the sole purpose of Fasion week. It*s kind of a big deal here. As I was passing people dressed in the most beautiful clothing you have ever seen, with their make-up perfect, and photographers crowding, I thought about how nice it must be to attend such events. Have that kind of lifestyle. It*s true in New York with everyone....everyone always wants someone else*s life. We work to get it, strive for the importance and the money. I was interesting to see the models and all the others who come to see them. All of them so beautiful.
The fact is, in my life, even in the city and now that I have made some friends, I still feel alone. I am always going somewhere, always doing something, and always have a deadline. I just wish I had something or someone who I could stand still with. Someone who I could count on. In my entire life of almost 25 years, I have never found anyone, not even in my family who has consistantly just been that person. And, honestly I don*t think I am that person, or have ever been that person to anyone else. In all my relationships, breakups, and all the messes, I learned something, a lot about people, and about what people are capable of. Maybe no one is capable of truly being there for a person. Maybe the only relationship that a person has liek that is with themselves. Something to think about.
I still do wish I found someone out there who I could count on, who could sit with me and talk about something that is deep, and real, and have a conversation without a time limit, without a meaning, and just breah and enjoy the air. In my life, there are just so many aquaintances because no one wants to make time for eachother. They share their time, and maybe they get bored. Excuses...so many...and it*s just sickening. ugh...i make myself tired sometimes. and i am...tired.