maybe i*m crazy
3:24 PM | 10-12-05
Last night I curled up in my favorite blanket and read the newspaper. Flipping through, I noticed that some ugly ass guy somehow made cosmopolitan's top 50 bachelors. I shock my head in serious disagreement. Brandon will be pissed I thought. Oh well...he*ll get over it. I then proceeded to the Help Wanted adds....hoping for some fun filled job opening comming my way. No such luck. Then, as always I went to the obituaries. I don*t know why...but every since I was in 9th grade biology I have been a little obsessed with death. I wanted to be a mortition for a long time...but once I saw an epsidode on an autopsy on the discovery channel and almost puked....so...needless to say my wishful job profession changed. Anyway, i read the obituaries and came across a pretty girl's picture...i was interested...then I read more to find that she was only 15 years old. 15!!!...I thought one thing...a whole page article on her life, in many sports, active, well rounded family....."she killed herself because of some heartless boy" I called my mom immediatly. My mom had read it too, she reminded me though...there was that poem, usually inserted in someone's obituary when they are dying of cancer...or a long sickness. The one that goes like "God saw you geting tired, and a cure was not to be......" So, with that, I concluded maybe she did die because of a sickness? But would that make it any better??? I thought about her for a little longer, told Brandon, my boyfriend about it, and he proceeded to tell me to put down the newspaper and move on with my life.
Today I woke up and got my stuff together for class, and there, on the table was the paper, face up...to the artice of Leanne Bessner. i couldnt read it again...if Brandon saw, he*d take me away to the funny farm. I went to History...knowing there were some girls there from this area...grew up here...they must know something. I ask the girl behind me Amanda, and she hadnt heard anything but two other girls around us spoke up. I was informed that Leanne had been put on some anti depressants and some meds for A.D.D. and about some fuzziness about some boy...(I knew it) Anyway....the story is that her best friend and her has planned to kill themselves together...Leanne this past weekend (oct 9) and her friend this comming weekend. the boyfriend of the friend who is still living got afraid and told the counselor at school. Leanne was not so lucky...she hung her self with her best friends belt..where her sister found her dead. I sat there and listened and became angry and saddened...why? Why in HELL are girls talking like this? So young....why....why ANYONE for that matter would ever want to end their life in such a horrible way. I called my mom right after class...my mom always has the same reaction..."that's too bad...it's a permanent solution to a undersized problem" we hung up and i went to my next class. Brandon shakes his head...i considered going to her funeral...it's at 6:00 P.M. tonight....however....I know that she will have a great deal of people there...but I wonder if it's always about the support from someone who always knew? maybe it's time for someone who needs help to talk to someone insignificant to them..or someone who they dont know, so that they can be helped without judgement. I dont know the truth about Leanne Bessner...but I do know that NOTHING in this world is worth your life. I wish i had the chance to tell her that. I have class at 6PM tonight...and even though I did not know her...i will be thinking of her....and i hope that someone can learn from this. The poem at the end of her obitiuary ends with "May angels lead you in" and I hope they do....I hope that wherever she is, she is in peace, and that someday, she will have another chance.......to live.
R.I.P Leanne Bessner February 9th 1980-October 9th 2005