Don*t blame yourself...yah right.
7:20 PM | 10-09-05
Yesterday was perfect...well it started out to be. It was clear skies and a semi-warm fall crispy afternoon. I got some laundry and stuff done and had a good nights sleep. The dogs were restless so i thought "what could be better thana nice fall walk" i went to Brandon, pleaded...and pretty much told him if he didnt come with me to walk the dogs I would pout and whine for hours till he eventually said yes. Suprisingly, he said yes right away. We got the dogs all ready and i decided to go down thrid street and do a loop around town. Things were going fine...till....10 minutes into our walk, halfway down third street...I heard a faint noise...."come back! Comeback!!" i looked across the street to find a lil white spotted dog racing towards denali and bently. i looked to my right to see a van driving in our direction and in an instant i knew what was about to happen. I had about 2 seconds to react so I yelled as loud as I could to try and scare the dog...i was screaming so loud....screaming....and as the van drive by....kept driving i hoped for a second maybe he missed....then i saw the small white dog fly up into the air and landed about 5 feet from where the van had hit it. I screamed so loud, neighbors were comming outside to see what had happened....no one understood. I was hysterical...brandon grabbed denali's leash from me and I ran across the street to the dog where it's owners were crying and frantically looking for the phone number to the vet. Saturday...great...i knew they were closed and it would take some time for the dog to be helped. The guy and girl looked about in their late 20's....i could tell they were upset...and i was worse. Screaming at the van that didnt even bother to stop...screaming how sorry i was....crying till i could stop shaking. I went over and told them how sorry i was...over an over again. The guy had said he was barely breathing...and then said..."just go away...keep walking....i dont want him to get up again." I felt so bad..and so mad that he would talk to me that way...but i knew he was prolly just upset. Never in my life have i seen something so upclose and tragic.
When I was nine years old....my dad and I were driving to our cottage when a dog was chasing cars and my dad hit him. I heard the thump...and i was hysterical. My dad ran to the house nearby where we were told the dog lived. I admired my dad that day...that he had the courage to do what was prolly the hardest thing for him to do in a long time. I never found out if the dog had made it. They carried him away on a sled and calle dthe vet and my dad took me home. I cried for a week...
Last night I tossed and turned thinking about that dog...how he flew in the air...flopped on the ground...i cant get it out of my head. No matter hoe many times someone tells me it wasnt my fault...it doesnt help. i know our dogs were on leashes..and theirs woul dhave been too...but in my mind i can imagine the girl unloading groceries...and opening the door..and her dog just going outside to greet her when the dog sees two big dogs across the street....friends!! So he runs in tunnel vision...and is hit by an asshole driver. i guess what adds to this is knowing there are people that would do something so insencetive. Drive a car into someone else's family member...their dog..and just drive...what could be so important? why would you do something so horrible? It's still in my head today...and will be for a long time...tomorrow I*m calling the vet to see what happened. I have to know either way. It breaks my heart knowing i ruined their day....it breaks my heart that if i would have folled around with my hair a bit longers..or if brandon would have said no to the walk...maybe this all never would have happened.
We walked home after the police got to the dog and it's family. I cried the whole way...angry and crying. Brandon wanted to stay at home...i wanted to breath. I took the dogs in my car and drove to their favorite place. I watch denali and bently run up and down the beach....playing...running after sticks...and frolicking in the sand..leaving their footprints. i sat and cried...and once again...thought about the day...and what had occurred. maybe i*ll get over it..maybe i wont in a really long time. Thats just me I guess...i love animals...and i care about other people.