7:24 PM | 04-27-04
yup. It*s been a while. Speakin of, I heard that song on the radio today....by staind. It made me think. ALOT. Things lately have gotten pretty messed up....Brandon and I...are...well i know, sorta, but don*t wanna say. There are some words that have been thrown around alot lately and I have to wonder if they are all true. Sam is still mad at me, Erika just wants toget the hell outta here, and Brandon and I are together everyday and almost every night. He*s moving in soon...and I still sit there...when he*s next to me, wanting to tell him SOOOO much but decide not to. There are some things, well alot of things I have got to tell him. I*m gonna go crazy. Yesterday I caught myself smiling while driving...smiling for no reason. I havn*t done that for years. And i know why I am now. I*m in luv....I*m in luv with brandon, in luv with my life, in luv with my friends, and everything else around me, but...some things are still so distant, and I till gotta fix things with my friends. The thing is...I am finally completly, absolutly over jason. Yah, I think about him, not everyday....but i dont compare him anymore with people...and the feelings have faded...all the built up emotions that were dragging me down are gone. I have FINALLY let go. I always wondered that...what would hppen if one day he showed up...and wanted to be with me...(yes i know I*m no living in a movie) I*m just sayin...would I go back with him?? Be together...live that life that was so predictable it made me want to run away?? NO. I wouldn*t. I would rather live my life and not know where I am goingthen live a life with him. I just don*t want that anymore, and I dont have any feelings left for him. I know only took me 2 years. It*s hard to realize something I prolly always knew...but never wanted to beleive. Brandon may not be here forever, or even be in my life like he is now forever...but for right now, I*d rather have a month with him of "something" then a month with him of "nothing" and right now...there*s alot going on between us...and maybe not enough time to figure it out...but I care about him alot, and he has helped me sooooooo much to actualy be able to care about someone else again like I did about Jason. yay. peace out.