8:08 PM | 12-20-03
Today, I woke up early, went to the bank, got went shopping with mum. managed to blow almost 500 bones. Jesus Christ....I hate the holidays. The lines, the shopping, the seeing everyone and there brother at the mall. I*m one of those people who usually goes out into public looking like sh*t and then going home and getting ready witht he new stuff I have bought. I know, weird. Anyway, I managed to get ALL my chirstmas shopping done, all my cards in the mail, and all my bills are PAID. Sweet.
Thinking about some stuff, my relationships, my mum and I ran into one of my old friends from school, we talked to him for awhile, and later my mum said something, "you know, that guy really likes you, and if you would give him the time of day, he prolly would ask you out" I immediatly explained to her why I dont like to lead people into thinking I WANT a date. Sure, there are times when I am lonely, and yes, at times it*s easier to have a boyfriend to share certain times with, but, in the long run, I don*t NEED a boyfriend. I have alot of some pretty incredible friends, most are boys, and I luv um to death, but I could never DATE them. Teh relationship I am in, well sorta, is VERY abstract. It*s there, you can see it, and when I look at it, it*s perfect, but I have to be squinting. If my eyes are wide open, it*s a mess. If I close them slightly, I shut out the mess around it, and see what i want to see. No, not the healthiest choice, but, it*s the way it is. Someday I will have to explain that to him. I*m ashamed in some ways, but at this point, it*s the way things are.