9:46 PM | 12-17-03
Marquette could quite possibly be one of the most boring places on the planet! Here I am, wasting away still in marquette, lagging around till I feel it is right to drive home to the rents. Good lord help us all. BAD and i hung out today, he opened his present from me. I think I may have gone a bit overboard, having bought all that stuff for just a friend. I keep wondering, when the question is going to come up. The question that has been stirring in my head for months. I feel like my life is always got so many questions, so much confusion, and that all the situations I manage to get myself into always end up in disaster. I was talkin to Jared today, we talked about our lives and what we have done so far, decisions we have made and so on. I said something that didnt make as much sence as it did in my head than when I actually typed it, and read it infront of me. "I don*t know where I will be or what i will e doing in 5 years, and that scares me" I does scare me, I have so many dreams and so many things I know I could be good at but no one to tell me what to do or where to go. I am so used to always having my parents there for me, giving me money, making decisions, paying my bills, bailing me out of jail, telling me exactly what to do. I just don*t know. I dred going home, and I don*t know why. it could be becuase I have grown up, I have grown far away from my friends, and have gone in a different direction. Maybe not the right one, but I have gone in a different direction.
So I*m watching the O.C. a first for me, Sam is always telling me to watch it, but once I start watching a series, I get glued, i can*t miss an episode, and it consumes my life. It*s sad really. Anyway the show is pretty good, I can tell it*s going to take me a few episodes to catch up. I watch the wrong one tonight apprently. About how one girl tells her boyfriend she loves him and he says thankyou. In the end he says it back, but I can imagine the feeling. The feeling of having all those feelings brought out on the table, saying them outloud, and not gettting anything in return but a polite gesture. Thankyou.
Ugh that*s it for now folks. Must prepare for BAD leavin tomorrow :( and I myself leaving for the dreaded rents. I know it wont be THAT bad, but I also know that I have my own car and my own house, so if it IS that bad, I can always leave at any given time. AHHH...I*m a BIATCH!! :(