11:58 AM | 09-27-03
After getting to WI Kristen and I met up with her parents and went shopping. I had a great time. We then all went out to eat and just talked, laughed, and ate way too much. Then I got a phone call that could not have come at the worst time. Brandon called to tell me he had been benched for the game for fighting. I kept calling him an idiot, saying how dumb he was cuz his parents were there from home watching. Then he said something I had heard before but had talked him out of before. I*m going home, I don*t wanna play here anymore. My stomach was so full from all the food, and now it had the largest lump consuming what room was left. I felt nauseous and confused. With me being in WI and him being in Marquette, I never wanted to be home more than I did then. I still do, I know that there is a good chance when I get home he will be gone, forever. I know this is the best way for me to finally get away from something I should never have had in the first place but I can*t help it, I need him. I feel bad for Nick….I am seeing home tomorrow and all e is going to here about is this. I don*t understand why people run. They run when the world gets a little cold and dishonorable. I wish I could tell him to suck it up, and bloody take it, because it does get better. I just can*t take this anymore, having the people I care about ripped from me in an instant. It always happens, the people I care about, they just get up and go with no notice at all. Brutal. I don*t want him to go, I need him, I want him to succeed even though I know it won*t be because of me, but because I know he can. It seems like every time it gets a lil rough, he just wants to get out, run away, leave from all the confusion. He needs to learnt o stay, face it, and grow from disappointment, because lets face it, that*s what life is about sometimes. Disappointment. It*s what makes us stronger, and lets us learn some of the most powerful lessons in life. We all go through it, and we all get through it, because we are forced to stay. I don*t think Brandon has any reason to stay. He told me, “I go where i*m wanted” But, sometimes it*s not going to be like that. The world gets cold sometimes, it tries to shut you out, and sometimes you have to fight to get inside and on top again. I wish he would realize this, I wish he knew how much harder it*s going to get and how he will someday have to fight for what he wants where he is. Sooner or later, he will run out of places to go.