cold as hell
6:12 p.m. | 2003-04-16
Well over the weekend I went home. Winter Carnival was pretty awesome. Enjoyed hangin out with my friends, seein Michelle, old friends, and just getting away. Although it took me to a place I sometimes dread going back to. Bad memories. My thoughts: its a wonderful thought that the idea of life and every single thing and event is all apart of some master plan designed to lead us to our universal soul mate. But you know, if thats really true, then what*s the point in living? or making decisions? Or gettting outta of bed every morning? to make mistakes, mistakes I can learn from, to realize life isn*t a stage play, it*s a mess. I hate letting go. I hate wondering if I am supposed to wait, wait for someone or something, and I have this feeling I am here, waiting for nothing. waiting for someone that is never going to happen. It*s about letting go, growing up, and understanding that things don*t always go the way we wish for it all to happen. I think about things alot, and wonder where my life would be if I didn*t make cerain decisions. What if I made different choices. If it hurts this much, i think that i must have done something wrong, or I won*t let it go because it won*t let go of me. I think about this kinda crao all the time. I think about the people I have lost along the way and i wish i had their talent like some of my friends their humor or their strengh but most of all I wish I still had their friendship. Perhaps they are not the problem, maybe lonliness is. Later...