what you can handle
12:17 a.m. | 2003-01-04
I don*t know where I heard it, but i heard that life goves you what you can handle. These past few months have been more than rough on me. And while there are stages that are better than others, I still am not the same. Not since the times, when I had a boyfriend, not since, I knew where I was going in my life, and not since I had some sort of direction. I would have to say 6 months ago fromthe date things got tob ed the worst I can ever remember my life being. Sam, one of my roomates and relaly good friend, and someone I spent 90% of my time, is now leaving, Moving out of the house and back to Ann Arbor. Yet, another thing suddenly taken from me. I don*t know sometimes how to handle everything that coms to me, and I know in the past I havn*t always handeled them well, so it makes me wonder more, are things like htese comming to towards me and hitting me 70 miles per hour so I can handle them right for a change, or to possibly drag me down a bit more. I know everyone has tough times, but gawd, if I knew how hard things were going to be I think instead of wishing on those stars for hapiness and meaningkess things, I would have wished to be in a coma till things got better. I*m thinking of going to church more often here. The pastor where I live brother is the pastor here so maybe it could help me. I*m not a church kinda girl, and no I have yet to ever got to church alone, but I think it*s time I do something good in my life, atleast once a week. Ugh, and I have this bumo on my forehead that hurts so bad. I don*t know what I could have hit my head on, can*t wait for it to heal. Meanwhile school starts back up again in 9 days. 9 days. Good gawd, am Irelaly ready to get back? It will be nice to have more people in Marquette though, things are kinda a drag now. I swear if I meet a guy in the next three months that doesn*t have the romantic equivlence of of a nightlight I*ll be damn surprised. I hate being alone. I saw my EX and the girl he cheated on me with the day before new years. Can*t tell you how warm and fuzzy I felt the momemtn they walked in the door and imediatly ran for the near by room so they coukdn*t see or hear me. I laughed extra loud that night. Men suck....particularily that one, and for that matter girls do too. You know who I*m directing that one too. I wonder if anyone has ever died of lonliness. I think I could possibly be a good candidate. But maybe since I hide it so well, it makes up for the difference. I*ll prolly live till I*m a 100....geeze by that time Iwould have gone through so much crap I will probably die in some tragic way like being hit by a taxi on the way to meet my one true love. I know, just like that movie, An Affair to Remember. I love that movie. I*ve said it a hundred times. I know...Welp, I*m off...get some sleep. Gonna go visit witht he dogs and puppies tomorrow. Later...