no one said it would be easy
4:42 p.m. | 2002-11-30
It*s getting worse. My sickness of a broken heart. It seems like it gets worse when I*m home, and even more around the Holidays. I keep hearing from other people, friends from school how they see Jason, or party with him. They tell me random things about him, what he worre the other weekend at a party, things he said, or where they saw him. It*s weird. It*s like I can*t figure out why people tell me, we*re not together. He cheated on me and is with her now. I just wanna scream that to everyone. Inside I wanna know everything he*s doing, what he*s thinking, but afterwards, I regret it all. I never wanted to know at all.
Ifd I could do it all over again, I seriously can*t think of all the things I would change. It feels like I will never be better till I ket my self let go, and how am I supposed to do that if other people can*t. I miss that boy...I miss him more than anything, a I keep wondering if anyhting in life is ever going to make sence again, and then I think maybe it never should make sence. Maybe life is supposed to be like this, an opening, a harder road you are forced to take for some good reason. I have yet to find that good reason, which probably makes it the hardest. No one ever told me it would be this hard. No one ever said it would hurt this bad and deep. No one said it would be easy...my life is full of confusion, and I don*t know that anything right now can ever make it right. It*s funny how you can have everything, except one thing. Sadly, the one thing I don*t have is the only thing I really need. He haunts me and he doesn*t even know, and I never want him to. Instead I*ll go on, and watch and hear of his hapiness, without me.