10:25 p.m. | 2001-11-03
Lately, A lot of things have been an issue with me. Some days are good some are absolutly horrible. Today being one of them. I have kept something from you and I think its time I become familiar with this problem. When I started school I had a fear...i had a horrible fear of the well known "freshman 15" which is partly why I think I am doing this. but anyway....Now, I am just a mess. I*m not anorexic, nor bulimic...I am just well confused in my stomach. When I am having a stressful day I dont eat anything, instead, I make myself so crazy and stressed out I puke up everything I ate the day before and so on. I dont eat for days. I*ve lost a lot of weight but I am not complaining. I mean lets face it, who is ever happy with their body. But now i*m getting worried. My mom is always asking me if i am eating and well I found out last night Jason cheated on me. Never thought those words would ever come out of my mind but there they are. I am feeling absolutly retched. I cant sleep nor eat. I can barely breath. Something is wrong with me and I cant find out what it is. I fear the truth so many times its weird. I am dealing with too much right now and I sometimes dont know what to deal with, I know the important things should come first but it isnt always that easy. I need to talk to Jason...I need to take care of him. Not permanently, because I love him too dearly, then I am going to take care of my health. I'm being rediculous...UGH...my life...such a bloody mess.