things i think about
8:43 a.m. | 2001-05-02
I don�t want to think about a lot things right now. One of them being this assignment I am supposed to be writing about. The other, most importantly, is me walking down the long aisle towards the end and the beginning of so many things. I don�t want to graduate. I*m wondering now, if anyone ever does. It all seems to be getting so close and I just want to push it further and further away. I know everyone says how great it is afterwards but honestly, what if it is all an act? I mean, how many people would want to tell you that they wish it never happened and that they wished life and school could still be as simple as it all once was. Not many I suppose. Especially even now when people only want to be older. It�s all very hard and even thought I know it will all be coming up soon, I am so afraid. I just want to wait till I*m absolutely ready to leave everything that I am so familiar with. I wonder if anyone is ever ready for this type of engagement. I can�t be the only one. I wonder if they think like I do and even imagining that makes me feel somewhat better. I can only imagine what someone is going through if they are graduating from college. It must be awful. When you leave college it�s really over. I mean you are almost forced to grow up. Get the job, buy the house, have a family, and then support. Life seems like its so long for people, others, its very short, but to me I think its all happening in stages. Stages we predict will happen, but are never ready for. Each stage will pass, I�ll make a prediction and every stage I will make predictions and every stage I will lose a little bit more of my adolesance. Maybe that�s what I am really afraid of. Maybe I want to be young forever and always know that I will have it that easy way out. That encouragement from my friends, the support from my parents, and the forgiveness I expect. Moving on is not easy. I say it everyday and the only reason I*m not insane is because of it is because I forget about all my insecurities of growing up and facing it all. I forget all that I am losing and possibly gaining. But just because I forget does not mean it isn�t important. I�ll think about it all tomorrow and the next and even after it all happens. I guess and hope everyone does, only difference is that I write it all down. I wish I could say my life so far has been a piece of cake but it has in no way been. And I guess no one has. I have seen and been through the ugly, I have joined the happy times and made the memories, but I have also forgotten. Everyone forgets it in someway, I guess it�s kinda like being forgiven in a fuhk dup way. I want o write all day sometimes so I will never forget how good it really is now. Being young, allowed and sometimes expected to make mistakes. It�s like an easy way out, I*m young, I have the time to make mistakes, learn and grow. I wish it was always like that�but I know it won�t be. Tomorrow I*m leaving with Jason to go down to Ferris State Univ. I am pretty excited. I am really looking forward to seeing the campus and seeing about their program in dental hygiene. Maybe this will be the college for me�I don�t know. Guess I*ll find out. Welp if you read all this�.cool�.if ya have bad comments well, sorry�.but I never said this was gonna be good. Welp I better get goin�.XOXOXO