Doin just fine
5:37 p.m. | 2001-04-02
My gawd did i have fun this weekend!!!!!! I partied, partied, partied!!!! And ALL with Jason. I had so much fun hanging out with Ricky and Jason..i met met SOOOO many new people. **Best Part** of my weekend. J- asked me to go prom w/ him. I am SOOOOOOO pumped! I was so worried I would be going to prom alone! My senior prom! I think today was my turning point. Here, i*ll explain...I didn't really tell people...well okay okay...I didn't tell anyone that Jared and i had broken up...till today. It was out.....everyone was talking about it. Espechially after Billy announced it to my Government class. "AMY'S SINGLE NOW!!!" Gawd....holy guy flit alert. I loved every moment. I know they were just messin with me...well most of em anyway. doesn't matter Jason is awesome. To tell you the truth, I felt really bad that I had already liked someone or had feeling liked that towards someone else besides Jared. But who cares...i see no rules anywhere that states how long you should be in a state of depression after a break-up. Just because it was only a few weeks does not at all mean I cared for Jared any less. I feel SO better now that I have admitted that to myself. I was so worried before about telling people I was single and was not with Jared, that I had totally forgot about was important. Before I just wanted to prove to people that I could handle a long distance relationship and that meant alot to me. I knew when people heard that I had a boyfriend far away it would be hard....and it was. BELEIVE ME! (don't get me wrong it was TOTALLY worth it) Anyway, I heard all the time how i was changing and how everyone thought it would never work out. That intiminated me alot and I just felt like I had to marry the guy for people to actually shut up about it. Well who the HELL cares!!!!! Jared and i had a great relationship, and I still love him, always will, and still I'm glad for what we had, and how I once loved him. Just not in that way anymore. I need to grow up and so does he. And I am willing to give myself and him enough time to do that. People already know i can handle a long distant relationship. I mean it was 7 or 8 months for christ sake! That's a long ass time...well long distantly. it doesn't matter that he won't be going to my senior prom with me or see me graduate like we were planning. It was like I had to have all these memories to make the relationship stronger and more meaningful, just so people could see. Really, I knew it all along....and I never really had to rpove anyhitng to anyone, Jared is still a great part of my life and I will never forget him. I feel SOOOO much better! All in all I cried...I whimpered...and then I smiled. And now, I*m happy as anything. I listen to all my happy music, and not crying over every sad song, like I used too, and have been hanging out with alot of my friends and meeting so many new people. Damn....what great techniques hey? and i swear I didn't read that in any teenie bopper magazine about "How To Recover From A Broken Heart" article. I am proud of myself....i*m looking at colleges now, and am really getting prioritized. Jason is however leaving for Ferris University later on....and yeah, I know, I*m setting myself up for a broken heart but i*m prepared to deal. I can't just say he's off limits just because he is going to college. He's an awesome crush for right now even thou he will be eventually leaving...and yes I*ll cry...and yes I*ll whimper..and after that...i*ll smile :*)
XOXOXO Bye! P.S. To think about how I*ve changed, how much I*ve learned, even in a day, and how little everything else seems sometimes. It's overwhelming. When I was younger it seemed like I knew which lines to draw, and always knew what to do or say. But soon I'll be graduationg from High School, and nothing is sure thing. And I don't really care. There is so much out there to fall in love with.