22:38:15 | 2000-11-23
I havn*t written in a while I know, I guess I*ve just had alot on my mind and alot of things to do and take care of. Cheering, school, family, friends, ect. But usually when I have alot on my mind I tend to write more I know. Today I got up early to yelling from my mom that no one had put the garbage out. Now we*re screwed and stuck with garbage for two weeks. I would not advise living with your best friend. I don*t care to elaborate on that any further. Anyway, Rachael left to go eat at Tom*s house and me and my mom went to go to a movie. I saw the grinch and what i thought was going to be a great movie, really wasn*t like many movie*s from before that I "think" are going to be good and really aren*t. Anyway, sitting in that theatre made me think alot, like moments like these I may not always have. Going to the movies with my mother and not at all beibg ashamed of it. I remember when I was young like 4, and my parents would always take me to the movies, I remember after the movie I would always cry, hystericaly. My dad would take me and put me over his shoulder and carry me out. It always happened. I don*t know why I thought about that today but it is one of the best memories from my childhood. Later when I was around 14 or 15 i would drap both my parents to the movies. Tehy were divorced, but they agreed to go anyway. I always thoguht they would get together again, like every other foolish child who has these dreams and fake thoughts. Thinking their parents are actually going to get back together again. They did on good terms but only because they didn*t have to talk. Movies are great, see a movie, don*t have to talk, and some of the greatest emotions come out in one room. Now, looking back I realize alot of the thoughts I had when I was young were fake. My parents were fake, and in my dream world everything was. I don*t regret those times with my parents, its just a memory I will never forget.
After the movie I walked into my house and smelled the most incredible smell. My mom had left the turkey roasting and i could litterally smell everyting. The masjed potatoes, gravy, everything. That smell makes Thanksgiving....I never think about those things, I sometimes only look at whats there, whats visable. But the food, the holiday would be nothign without the smell. i wanted to share it.....I wrapped up some turkey, gravy, mashed potatoes, and a few other things and went to the store...i picked out a card, the best I could, bought some chocolate, and went to his house. He was there with friends, and with about as much love and thankfulness as a nightlight he said thank-you. I told him happy birthday and gave him a hug and kiss. I tried. birthdays in my family suck...its like no one really wants to celebrate your birth. Actually birthdays are a bit over rated these days. I came home and the turjey was cold, the mashed potatoes were thick, and the incredible smell that I have smelled earlier only lingered in the kitchen. My thanksgiving had lasted for 5 minutes. I didn*t eat, I didn*t really make any of it, i didn*t even look and have my mouth water so much I could actually taste the food. instead I got into my car drove to his house and wished someone a happy birthday, for what he will probably not even remember. I will remember.....not the turkey, not the cold taste. But I*ll remember that smell....I*ll remember that moment in the theatre, and the warm feeling of the long ago memory. Welcome to my world I say in my head.....no one will understand me, and to some people i may be a lil screwed up....and really I htink everyone is.......just depends on what you know.