10:04:30 | 2000-08-11

Ever think about how in HighSkewl sometimes the littlest things always seem to be life thretening and it just a time where sometimes music lyrics mean more to you than probably will at any other point in your life. I took a shower with my contacts in (like always) and saw a black blur on the shower floor - when I looked closer, I discovered that the blur was a big spider - AAAK! I sprayed it with shaving cream to kill it (whaled and screamed like an idiot) then scooped it up and flushed it down the toilet. I hate spiders. Gawd....and i just saw one the other night! I swear you see one and they all come out...i htink they all heard me talking about how much I hated them to jared. Haha...I went to spinning this morning....I go three times a 9 AM! Now that has gotta count for something. I also have cheering Mon, Tues, and Thursday at 10 AM...and I lift weights whenver I have time. I swear I love that gym. I love it. Jared and I talked as usual last night....i*m weird....I know i am...if we ever break up I know what he*ll say..."yah she was a total bitch to me and she was so mean to me" Haha...gawd I hope he does, ya know so he can get some sympathy from the next gurl, and she can try and kick my ass, haha the dirty looks and all. I guess i am pretty mean....I mean I try not to be mean to the guy but its like i do it for myself...I try to put more and more on him...more situations, more problems, more doubts, alot of sruff. i like intentionally start fights until there is nothing esle to fight about or he asks me why I am being such a bitch, whatever comes first. I do it becuz its like I have this thing....the more I can put my boyfriends thru the longer I know they*ll or IF they*ll last. I put them thru tests without even knowing i*m doing it. I like see if they can handle it or me and make them get prepared for what....for me. I*m pretty screwed up....I do it all the time...and either I get so sick of them or they are just so unhappy with me and can*t take it anymore I dump them. This is sad....I look at guys I*ve been with and wonder why I put these poor guyz thru hell....I dunno....its weird...I always lose in the end becuz most of my boyfriends have been pretty great...if only I didn*t torment the poor things. Haha...i*m shaking my head becuz thinking of this makes me wonder....I guess I*m just waiting for the guy who will finally be able to put up with my shit and take a handle on the situation....I*m beginning to wonder if there is anyone out there. I know sometimes I drive Jared nutz....and then I make him wonder why the hell he is with me. Thats what I want though....i want him to be able to look at the situation, stare at it, and absoluteky know that I am what he wants. I don*t think we*ve reached that point yet but gawd I*m almost scared to see when it does happen....if it does ever happen I hope I get hurt....the pain from breaking up from that relationship would probably out me to an end for that someone is all I am searching for. It*s weird how i think and do things without even realizing it. Well I bedder go....I werk soon and its Friday so I guess I bedder get movin.....

DiRty StuFf || All ClEaN!!


ConTacT Me
AIM: happylilbunny17

Time: 10:04:30
Date: 2000-08-11
Eating:Nothing :/
Wearing:Clothes, I hope!
Hearing: Typing
Reading: Papers
Chatting w/: No one
Thinking: too much.
Wanting: so much.

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Meter Thanx for commin!! *MUAH*
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