12:11:35 | 2000-03-19
It may be that some people already have their life written out...as perfect as a circle. They know what college they're going to, they know what they will be, and they know where they will live, but no one can plan who they will love. I for instance no none of this...I do not know what I will be...as a person or who I will werk for. I am someone who doesn't plan ahead or for the future, I take things as it comes and what certain htings will bring to me. I try, to take things to my heart and hopefully learn from them. I pray almost every nite that I will learn from my mistakes and not take what is given to me for granted. I try each day to love myself and othr more...to love what I cannot change and to try to accept the things I cannot change, but still, there is a pain...in my heart filled with confusion and sometimes disappointment. I don't know if I am getting stronger or if I am even doing what I am supposed to but I cannot keep myself from wondering what each day will bring me. Problems or distrsctions that didn't seem fair to me seem to be distant...like when they happened they seemed like such a big deal and now, they are lost problems and they never were as bad as they seemed. Some of us stive...and some of us strive to be. To be what other want.....or to be what we want to be. I want to be a person....I don't know what kind of person...but I know i want to be a person who is remembered....remembered for what? I don't quite know. I am waiting for the day that my life changes. Now, we all want to be older....older for what? Life is long...not short....it is a long road and I should be taking advantage of every opportunity that may come. My life will change when I want to be younger....and it scares me to death becuz those are the times I will never be able to get back. I'm going to grow...I;m going to become older....and maybe this is what frightens me the most.